I quit! I did! What did I quit? My job? No. Volunteering? No. Gluten? No. Sugar? Carbs? Wine? All, no. I quit being a WIFE AND MOM! Yes. I gave up. I got in the bed and didn’t get back out. I stopped caring. I stopped cleaning. I stopped cooking(mostly). I stopped taking care of my daughter the way that I shoukd. I stopped taking care of my pets. It lasted a LONG time. A VERY long time. I. JUST. QUIT.

What happened? I vaguely remember wondering what would happen if I just quit, but it wasn’t really a conscious decision on my part. No picket line, no ultimatums. No, I just stopped. Everything. I couldn’t get up. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to lay in my bed or on the couch and do nothing. So I did.

The laundry piled up. Up and up and up. There is a gigantic pile of junk on my front porch. Strings of Christmas lights and a Halloween blow-up cat, dead plants, trash, and who knows what else. My daughter’s room is a certified disaster area, although her friends and cousin helped make this disaster, then skipped off into the sunset, leaving us to sift through the debris.

I completely failed for over a year at being a mom and a loving wife. Finally, late last year, I reached out to my baby sister. I cried to her, I told her exactly what was happening. She has been there. She instructed me what I should do. Then she checked up on me. Then she held me accountable. I needed that.

My husband was great. He wasn’t perfect every day, but he motivated me by making me get up and out from time to time. My daughter was challenging, but she needed her mom.

Puberty happened. The ‘tweens happened. Friends happened. Boys happened. School, absenteeism, tantrums, homework...her life went haywire and momma was barely there.

Above all, I found a new church home with a new friend who is teaching me about the beauty of worship and showing love to others. My new friend, Kim, is the kind of wife and mother we all strive to be. I am learning from her to be quiet and gentle but to worship God loudly and unashamedly.

In I Samuel 6 God’s Word tells us that when David has the ark of the Lord brought into the City of David, “David danced before the Lord with all his might.” When Michal, the daughter of Saul saw King David dancing she “despised him in her heart.” In verses 21 and 22, David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel-I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.”

I worshiped. I prayed. I prayed some more. I went to the doctor. I saw a therapist. I increased my medication. On the other side of the great storm I was in, I see that the Lord led me through as He promised me in Psalm 23.

He quieted my soul and guided me in paths of righteousness. He let me make my own mess, then HE carried ME. 

He also tells me in Psalm 34:18-20 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.” He absolutely saved me from my crushed spirit.

I can see that I will need to work twice as hard to catch up. It will take twice as long to catch up as it did to fall behind. I’m ready and I’ve started. I’m moving. I’m up and physically moving. I’m caring again. I’m moving my residence.

I’m moving as a home school mom. I’m leading a women’s Bible study  (find it here).

I’m blogging again. I’m cleaning again. I’m pet mom again.

I’m back and it’s great to be here.

How To Study God's Word

Starting a Bible study of your own often feels like a daunting task. How to study. What to study. Which Bible version to use. Do I need markers? Pencils? Crayons? Or, good-grief, WATERCOLORS?

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I’m not an artist. I can’t draw. Oh my goodness. I’m so overwhelmed. Maybe I’ll just forget about it. Girlfriend! STOP RIGHT THERE! Take a breath. Breathe in, breathe out, grab your tea, have a seat, and let’s discuss this. I’m here to tell you that the only right way is ONE VERSE AT A TIME.

Start at the beginning. Start in the middle. Start with the New Testament. Start at Proverbs. It doesn’t matter. Just START. Read. Sit. Down. And. Read.

Let’s begin our discussion with preparation. Prepare your time, your location, your supplies and most importantly, your heart. Now, when I say prepare, I DO NOT mean go out and spend money. I simply mean set these things aside and earmark them for Bible Study. This way you can focus on preparing yourself and your heart. That being said,  let’s focus on these preparations.

To begin with, making the decision to study God’s Word will strengthen your relationship with God. In order to be successful and set this new habit so that it becomes second nature, you want to schedule the time. You will soon find it to be the part of the day that you look forward to the most. Choosing the time is all you. My time is at the beginning of my day. I have my coffee and often study on my porch. I enjoy the sounds of creation as I read the Word. Not a morning person? Mornings too hectic? Set aside your lunch hour. Study at the time when you are most alert and receptive to what you are studying.

Whether you get up an hour early, stay up an hour later, or study after the kids head out the door to school is up to you. My advice to you is to schedule the time in and stick to it. If you are studying when your family is home, let them know this is Bible Study time. If they want to study as well that is wonderful. If not delegate this time as quiet time. Or schedule it in as family-wide, individual Bible Study.

I am not discouraging a family Bible Study, however, this is YOUR time with God. There are many resources for children, such as Videos, music, books, coloring pages and books, etc, to help you delegate this time.

Next, prepare your location. You will need a quiet place, apart from the chaos of daily life. Don’t feel like you need a “She-Shed” or “War Room,” although who doesn’t want one! I’m talking about a clear spot at the kitchen table, the front porch, your desk, or the dining room no one uses except on holidays. Place your supplies (read on for that) there or keep them easily accessible nearby. Keep it simple and peaceful to allow you to focus on God’s message to you through His Word.

Supplies. This is where I feel we become overwhelmed. I use my Bible, a plain journal, some colored pens, a black pen and since I write some scriptures daily, a monthly list of scriptures to write that I found here. By keeping things simple, I am free to focus on the words.

Finally we arrive at the most important aspect. Preparing your heart. Once you have seated yourself, take a moment to silence your self. Quiet your mind and heart. Next, bow your head and pray. Bless His name, confess your sins,asking for forgiveness,  thank Him for the opportunity to study freely, and pray for a clear message on this day.

I have two recommendations on choosing where to start. Begin at Genesis 1 and read one chapter each day. As an alternative, begin in the chapter of Proverbs that coincides with the date (February 7th = Proverbs 7) and read one chapter daily. As I read through the chapter, I try to focus on a verse or verses that speak to me. This verse or verses I write in my journal. This way I feel as if I am writing them on my heart. It helps me to ponder and focus even more on my study.

If you come across something you don’t understand, look it up. Either in a reference book, online, or ask your church leader (minister, Sunday School teacher, etc.). He or she may even suggest a reference tool for you.   

There is no wrong way. There is no required supply other than your Bible. Read. One. Verse. At. A. Time.