I quit! I did! What did I quit? My job? No. Volunteering? No. Gluten? No. Sugar? Carbs? Wine? All, no. I quit being a WIFE AND MOM! Yes. I gave up. I got in the bed and didn’t get back out. I stopped caring. I stopped cleaning. I stopped cooking(mostly). I stopped taking care of my daughter the way that I shoukd. I stopped taking care of my pets. It lasted a LONG time. A VERY long time. I. JUST. QUIT.
What happened? I vaguely remember wondering what would happen if I just quit, but it wasn’t really a conscious decision on my part. No picket line, no ultimatums. No, I just stopped. Everything. I couldn’t get up. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to lay in my bed or on the couch and do nothing. So I did.
The laundry piled up. Up and up and up. There is a gigantic pile of junk on my front porch. Strings of Christmas lights and a Halloween blow-up cat, dead plants, trash, and who knows what else. My daughter’s room is a certified disaster area, although her friends and cousin helped make this disaster, then skipped off into the sunset, leaving us to sift through the debris.
I completely failed for over a year at being a mom and a loving wife. Finally, late last year, I reached out to my baby sister. I cried to her, I told her exactly what was happening. She has been there. She instructed me what I should do. Then she checked up on me. Then she held me accountable. I needed that.
My husband was great. He wasn’t perfect every day, but he motivated me by making me get up and out from time to time. My daughter was challenging, but she needed her mom.
Above all, I found a new church home with a new friend who is teaching me about the beauty of worship and showing love to others. My new friend, Kim, is the kind of wife and mother we all strive to be. I am learning from her to be quiet and gentle but to worship God loudly and unashamedly.
In I Samuel 6 God’s Word tells us that when David has the ark of the Lord brought into the City of David, “David danced before the Lord with all his might.” When Michal, the daughter of Saul saw King David dancing she “despised him in her heart.” In verses 21 and 22, David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel-I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.”
I worshiped. I prayed. I prayed some more. I went to the doctor. I saw a therapist. I increased my medication. On the other side of the great storm I was in, I see that the Lord led me through as He promised me in Psalm 23.
He also tells me in Psalm 34:18-20 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.” He absolutely saved me from my crushed spirit.
I can see that I will need to work twice as hard to catch up. It will take twice as long to catch up as it did to fall behind. I’m ready and I’ve started. I’m moving. I’m up and physically moving. I’m caring again. I’m moving my residence.
I’m back and it’s great to be here.
